Alien Butt Stuff Hand Towel

The Truth Is Out There... and it’s coming for your ass. Literally.

This isn’t your grandma’s kitchen towel — this bad boy is here to abduct you, probe you, and leave you smiling like you just got beamed up and back wrong. Soft, sexy, and just threatening enough to make you wonder: Was it just a towel? Or was it foreplay?

Available on the softest, most abduction-ready towels we could find:
• Flour Sack Towel – 28" x 29" – light, flirty, and ready to slap your cheeks dry
• Waffle/Dobby Weave Towel – 15" x 26" – textured just right for a little extra... sensation
• Terrycloth Towel – 16" x 30" – thick enough to absorb your shame (and everything else)

Other towel colors available by request — because even aliens appreciate options when they're taking you for a ride.

Vital Stats Before You Get Probed:
• Sizes are approximate — blame the gravitational pull (or the loss of your dignity).
• Sizes are approximate and might vary (because even towels deserve a little freedom).
• Wash before use — it gets softer, dirtier, and somehow even more suggestive.
• Polyester thread keeps it tough against light bleach... and whatever else happens when the lights go out.
• Each towel is handmade to order. Placement and color may vary. Your alien encounter? 100% guaranteed to be unique.
• Serious customizations might cost a little extra, but we’re used to making weird dreams come true.

New ways to get abducted drop all the time.

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